The Curse of Seeking Control, The Bliss of Letting It Go

Sometimes, I just sit down in my room, close my eyes and become a congenial host to welcome all kinds of thoughts flooding in my mind after a long day of the mind numbing work. In these moments, I not only think of the well cushioned chair I sit in, in a warm room, but also I visualize myself as an illuminating consciousness placed at a point on Earth. I go on to imagine the chaotic universe functioning in an impeccable order with its vastness that barely fits my wildest yet tiny imagination. And that’s when my curiosity joins the conversation and starts asking some interesting questions. One of them is how something so infinitely large in size can stay in such a perfect control!?

Credit: Google Images

I like to think that each of our lives also is a miniature version of the universe. It has all the ingredients that make up our own tiny cosmos just as complex and disorderly, except we don’t have the control we wish we had over it every moment. And, I’m sure, neither does the actual universe.

You might be in your life at a stage where everything is falling apart, and all the dreams you dreamed of have shattered on your face; making it bleed from everywhere. You see your paper boats sinking and the castles, that you so dearly owned in your mind, burning and turning into ashes. Benumbed by such a terrifying display, you, with teary eyes, and your body burning with fever of fear, your hands shivering with cold, and heavier-than-a-rock heart, try so hard to just stand still on your weak feet, and ask yourself: Where did I lose it? What happened so fast that I couldn’t see? How did I not see it coming? How someone like me could make such a terrible mistake? Your brain gets bombarded with thousands of such questions. With this unbearable burden you fall down on your knees and cover your face with your palms wiping away the incessant flow of tears. You have lost all hope. You are broken to the bones. You say to yourself: “I have failed myself”. You feel like drowning into the darkness, never to resurface again. You feel surprised and shocked at the same time. Welcome To The Ruthless Game Of Life!

Credit: Google Images

In our lives, when everything is going right, we assume that everything is so well in our control. Nothing can ever go wrong, we assure ourselves. We believe if we do the right thing, right results will follow. We develop such a trusting relationship with life. Everything seems to be working out the way we always wished. Everything seems A-OK. We seem to have known the secret solution of very complex equation of life. We feel the control on every moment of our days and nights, until one day when a sudden storm from nowhere hits us and sweeps everything away from us. We are left where we started. Or worse: we are thrown off the cliff into the deepest abyss from where it seems impossible to climb out. We are left empty handed. It feels scary for some time and soon we realize that we never had control of our lives in our hands. It was the fear of losing control that kept us in this seemingly sweet but naive illusion of control.

Credit: Google Images

While seeking and planning towards having some sense of control in our lives is not harmful but having your fists closed all the times and treating your life like a machine whose control switch is in your hands can be painfully disappointing. One part of life, maybe the most important one, is that whoever we are, we are bound to make mistakes. We are going to lose a lot of things that we thought were precious to us. We will fall and rise up again. We are going to get hurt. We are going to feel it. And most of the time, these feelings will tear you apart from the inside. Dealing with these feelings might feel more difficult than moving mountains. But that doesn’t mean that you can’t overcome them. You surely can’t avoid them. Sometimes, you will have to swim through them; maybe at times literally. You will have to climb them. You will have to accept them as your own small part, come to terms with them and move on to your journey again.

Credit: Google Images

Defeat, disappointments, loss and pain, struggle are the bitter medicines that life keeps on making us to swallow to become a better human being. It’s nature’s way of reminding us that we are alive. It’s also a sign from the universe telling us that we are not alone in this chaos that we experience. We are a part of the bigger chaos that doesn’t need control. It likes to flow freely. It’s unpredictable. It opens a new surprise box at every turn. Keep moving on your road. Keep taking turns and detours without bothering about the destination. Maybe a beautiful surprise is waiting for you at the next turn……

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